The musings of a (not-so) single chick in the city. (Don't think that the term chick is derogoratory. We refer to boys by a number of terms). The travails in the life of an ex-miss-goody-two-shoes, ex-journalist, ex-small time model, ex-television actress, of being female in Chennai/ Pune/Bangalore, of ideas old and ideas new....

Sunday, February 10, 2008


What is this life, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare....W.H.Davies was a genius....I have no time to stand and breathe in even the polluted air of my beautiful city.....all my time, I spend on the run.

Of course, some of the running, I bring upon myself. Running away from prospective beaus, is something I dont particularly enjoy, yet am forced to do it, because I dont want to hurt anybody or let anyone down, but yet, I have to refuse dates if I accidentally bump into them or pick up their calls, because actually going on the date will give them ideas, which I obviously am uncomfortable giving.

How does all of this start anyway? I am friendly, even flirtatious, but the moment I sense more than casual interest, I run. Why? Because all the guys I just want to flirt with, end up wanting more. And all I guys I do want more with, end up running away. Ironic, isnt it? Amidst all the running and the chasing, I wonder if at all I will meet someone who wants me, who I want too....Am not talking the sex thing here, theres plenty of two way desire happening in my life. I am talking about wanting a relationship with a guy who wants a relationship with me.

Somehow in my 23 year old liberated life, even though the last ten years have been around 'heightened awareness ' members of the opposite sex, I have not managed to find that elusive thing called a relationship. Oh, the issues.

Who doesnt have them? All the world has are issues. With other countries, with neighbouring states, with the teacher, the boss, colleagues, friends, co-actors, siblings, parents........with the crackle bar sitting on my table and the last of the whiskey in the Johnny Walker bottle.....issues.

More later.